LUBBISH JOKE

Taxi Driver Lao Zen: Harlow.. Where U wanna go?
Ghostly Man: 21 Lim Chu Kang Road
Taxi Driver Lao Zen: Ar? So late go Lim Chu Kang ar?
Ghostly Man: Home... There....
Taxi Driver Lao Zen: Wah! Rich leh! Private property there ar?
Ghostly Man: Yeah...

Reaches Lim Chu Kang Road

Taxi Driver Lao Zen: Aye... Cannot find 21 leh! Where is it near?
Ghostly Man: Drop me here can liao....
Taxi Driver Lao Zen: Chun bo? Here Chinese Cemetry area leh!
Ghostly Man: Yes...
Taxi Driver Lao Zen: Ar? Watever la... $24

Ghostly Man hands out hell notes $2000000

Taxi Driver Lao Zen: Wah! Gt small change bo? Oso ar, gt local money bo?
Ghostly Man: No...
Taxi Driver Lao Zen: Nabeh la! Like tat where I find u change? Try dig ya pockets la

Ghostly Man hands out 1 piece of gold paper type of hell note

Taxi Driver Lao Zen: Wah lao a... Realli no local currency ar? Like tat must go bank change sia... Nabeh la...
Ghostly Man: No more...
taxi Driver Lao Zen: Win liao lo! Okok.... Take it I swuay la... Gd nite...


//ZenEkz in no mood to blog norm stuff//

VOICEMAIL SERVICE

Email forwarded to me from Hui Zai

Most of us have now learned to live with voice mail as a necessary part of our lives.

Have you ever wondered what it would be like if 'Ti Kong' God decided to install voice mail?

Imagine praying and hearing:

Thank you for calling Tian Tang Heaven.
For English press 1,
For Mandarin press 2,
For Hokkien press 3,
For Malay. press 4,
For Tamil, press 5,
For all other languages, press 6,

Please select one of the following options:
Press 1 for request,
Press 2 for thanksgiving,
Press 3 for complaints,
Press 4 for suggestions,
Press 5 to make a Donation to our Bank A/C No.,
Press 6 to Transfer Merits/Credit to love ones,
Press 7 for all other matters.

I am sorry, all our Buddha/Kuan Yin, Angels/Saints and Tua/Zee Ya Pehs are all busy helping other sinners and 'troubled souls' right now.

However, your prayer is important to us and we will answer it in the order it is received.

Please stay on the line.

If you would like to speak to:

Ti Kong God, press 1,
Buddha or Jesus, press 2,
Kuan Yin or Mary, Press 3,
Tua/Zee Ya Peh or Holy spirit, press 4.
To find a loved one that has been assigned to heaven, press 5,..then enter his CPF Social Security # followed by the pound sign. (If you receive a negative response, please hang up and dial area code 666!).

For reservations to TianTang/Heaven, please enter 'Tai Sui' or 'JOHN' followed by the numbers, 1 3 8.

For answers to nagging questions about dinosaurs, life and other planets, please wait until you arrive in TianTang/Heaven for the specifics.

Our computers show that you have already been prayed for today, please hang up and call again tomorrow. Please don't hog the phone line and give others a chance.

The office is now closed for the weekend to observe a religious holiday.

If you are calling after hours and need emergency assistance, please contact your local Shi Fu, Sai Kong, Tang Kee or Pastor.

If you wish to leave a voice message, press 'O' and speak clearly AFTER the tone. We will have a Bodhisiva or Angel return your call A.S.A.P.

Thank you and have a nice heavenly day.





Just for relaxation. Dun take it to heart.


//ZenEkz feeling the Ding Dong Bells liaoz//

LUBBISH UPDATES

On Study
Received SIM's notice that I have been granted a place in SIM for the course of Biz management. Woohoo! At last! But then ar... duno whether to feel too happy about it. Come to think about it, being a parttime student, after my course commence, I will lose alot...like Sleep time, online time, dating time, relaxation time, tok lubbish time... Basically jus time la! Phew....

Heh! Anyhw will enjoy the rest of the days till my study commence.. HWAH!

On wrk
Kena front stab backstab so much these days, so much so I have to carry shields and ass guard around to protect my front, back and arsehole... Wo... Wrking life full of shit la... Thrw in the towel? Nahz.. At least nt nw... Maybe?

On luxury items
Bought a new phone that I always wanted and an Ipod few mths back... Woohoo! Gt nthng else I aim to buy liao except for a new pair of shoes (Last pair was bought during my poly days) and a new pair of specs. Thats bout it for the year I guess...

Ok... thats all folks... sibei shag day for mi...

//ZenEkz feeling....//

MATOS (Managing All Type Of Shit)

4 Beehives destroyed....
Hundreds of bees killed...
2 Swallow nests destroyed....
4 baby swallows killed...
1 injured cat put to sleep...
2 crows shot...

All bcos these are instructions passed dwn... So.. no choice I had to get pple to carry out...

Nabehz...

I've sinned...


Time for job review again...

//ZenEkz .... Losing self... Losing Identity... //

SIAO LANG

Thursday while I was on my way back hme on MRT gt one guy weirdly dressed in "formal" attire kept staring at me and laugh insultingly at me.

I was like nabeh... I look so funny ar?

I lun for as long as I can remb... Finally buai tahan liao... blood reaches boiling point, I stick my middle finger out at him and give him the "Stare somemore I'll Kill u!!!" but then... he just continued laughing insultingly... Nabehz... %*&@%*&#%*@#@

I so wanted to go up to him and confront him but duno why body wun move...

Mind over Body la.... Mind keep sending signals to body that I 24years old liao better dun do stupid things...


LL...


Upon closer analysis of his reaction and attire, I gt a conclusion ... He definately a siao lang la...

Anyhw I jus lun lun lun till he gt dwn the train at Tampines... From Eunos all the way to Tampines he was laughing..... freeking good stamina....


Just my luck...

*(@%#*&@#%*@#%*&@

//ZenEkz nt so crazy afterall//

CRAZY JOKE

About a century or two ago, the Pope decided that
all the Chinese had to leave Italy. Naturally there
was a big uproar from the Chinese community.

So the Pope made a deal. He would have a
religious debate with a member of the Chinese
community. If the Chinese win, they could stay. If
the Pope wins, the Chinese would leave.

The Chinese realized that they had no other
choice. So they picked a middle-aged man named
Ah Peh to represent them.

Ah Peh asked for one condition to be added to
the debate. "To make it more interesting", he
said, "neither side would be allowed to talk".

The Pope agreed. The day of the great debate
came. Ah Peh and the Pope sat opposite each
other for a full minute.

Then the Pope raised his hand and showed three
fingers. Ah Peh looked back at him and raised one
finger. The Pope waved his fingers in a circle
around his head. Ah Peh pointed to the ground at
where he sat.


The Pope pulled out a loaf and a glass of wine. Ah
Peh pull out an apple.

The Pope stood up and said: "I give up. This man
is too good. The Chinese can stay."

An hour later, the cardinals were all around The
Pope asking him what happened?. The Pope
said, "first I held up three fingers to represent
the holy trinity. He responded by holding up one
finger to remind me that there was still one God
common to both our religions."

"Then I waved my finger around me to show him
that God was all around us." He responded by
pointing to the ground and showing that God was
also right here with us."

"I pulled out the wine and loaf to show that God
absolves all sin. He showed me an apple to remind
us of the original sin. He had an answer for
everything.

What could I do?"

Meanwhile, the Chinese community had crowded
around Ah Peh. "What happened?" they asked.

Well," said Ah Peh, "First he indicated to me
that all Chinese had 3 days to get out of here. I
replied to him f*@k off and not one of us was
leaving." "Then he pointed that this whole city
would be cleared of Chinese. I showed him that we
are staying right here." "Yes, and then???" asked
the crowd. "I don't know", said Ah Peh, "He took
out his lunch, and I took out mine!!!"

Just for laughs.... dun take it too seriously... I'm nt the one whu compose it either.

//ZenEkz feeling bored//

NAGS

Is it true women reach certain age must start nagging? As women grws older, she tends to nag more oso and more on minor minor thngs.... Haizz...

Maybe?

Ever since my mum resign from her job to take resume her post of hse wife... She has also resume her parttime job as a nagger in the hse... She has been nagging at mi at almst everythng... From my collection of comics to my long hrs usage of com... Everyday gt somethng to say sia... Hell man... So many things she dun see eye to eye with... Mmmm... Nag, Nag and Nag... Guess I hav to support her decision to resume anther parttime job early next year.... Better for her I guess... stay home nt very healthy... wrk can exercise abit... More importantly... She wun nag that much after a hard day's wrk... Heh... evil ZenEkz..

But despite all these naggings by Mum...I still love my Mum.

No maybe... MUST BE!



//ZenEkz super buai tahan pple nag...//

DEATH

Might be a little late but here is a small tribute to Steve Irwin.

Life is jus so fucking unpredictable. One moment U maybe enjoyin urself, the next, u bcome salted egg seller deep dwn under... Hmmm...ok... maybe up there.

Makes mi remember that I had lost a few relatives and frens to death over the past few years...

Auntie, Grandpa, Grandma, Godfather, Bo lun, Shizhong...

I will never forget them...



//ZenEkz never forgets...//

PLS PLS DUN DO DRUGS

Oh ya! Dun shoplift either!

//ZenEkz found Singapore to be toooo boring//

HISTORICAL PIC

Found this pic out of nowhere...I wonder if any of my platoonmates saw this before...


I just wan to say...


Kawaii Ne!

Look at their expressions! Hahaha


Cute!


Maybe??


That was 3years ago..... Memories again....


//ZenEkz feelin better and enjoyin his extended break..//

PRIDELESS ARSEHOLES

Back from reservist...

Damn sick... Respiratory problems... Thanks to those suckers Specs and Officers whu thrw mi outfield despite mi havin a 4days light duty status. Want noe more?

Here goes...

Monday book in, gt attached to the signal platoon cos of my vocation. Straight away was told I have to go outfield for "Exercise" cos there are lack of signallers. Y lack ar?

Total Strength - 25 including 2 Specs, 1 PS
Minus - 9 light duties, 1 spec light duty, 1 attend C
Strength left = 14

Got kind of worried after I heard that I hav to go for exericse the freeking next day... 3years since I put on full combat attire and my body not conditioned unlike the others whu hav been there for 2weeks... and the appointment given mi too damn important liao... B2IC signaller.... I'm a fucking lineman in my unit and most of my platoonmates noes that my radio stuff sucks to the brim.... Moreover recently I'm having regular respiratory airway contraction attacks almost evryday.... so wasnt realli confident I can survive all the walking, bashing and "fighting"... Its nt like when I'm still serving NS able to walk 10KM without much probz... So i sound off to the the officer that I'm nt feelin well and oso nt confident in taking up such an impt role. U noe wat he told mi? "Ok... will take note... but U look fit" Arrghh.... I thought ok.... maybe I give it a try.... but things nver became better.


Whenever I back at bunk, there are somkers smoking inside it.... and nearly evrytime they smoke, the attack comes.... Uuurgghh.... I felt terrible.

That night I spend quite sometime thinkin...

These guys hav no pride... Not enough manpower still take status... (Gt a fair bit of them keng) Y shld I risk my health to help them? This is not even my unit.... If its my unit I will go definately! I nver missed any outfield exercise b4 cos I dun like pple coverin my shit but these pple? No pride at all!

I finally made a decision to report sick the next day.... I realli cannot take it... breathing frm bad to wrse... partly cos of the haze oso... So I see MO the next day and given excuse for 4days (So serious rite?) but u noe wat? That officer and PS still deploy mi outfield to assit bridage officer to be neutral party.... Purposely arrow mi out of the 10 guys havin status! Nabehz!! 3days 2nites I sleep in places that mosquitos breed and near places where the dead hav their final resting place... My condition did nt improve... it gt wrse cos I sleep in the open! Hell... Thats nt the end... at the end of the exercise i still gt arrowed for almost every fuck shit saikang. WTH? There are 10 nos. of attend Bs in bunk yet they arrow mi for everythng..... Arrgghh!! Majiam I owe them one. Fuck!

Now back at hme... I'm feelin terrible.... few days of enduring leading to mi feelin much wrse... I just went to see the doc and given MC for anther 3days.... Sucks... nw I nver will be able clear my outstandin wrk.... Sianz

Fuck those Prideless Arseholes!!


Phew....


Nw felt much better mentally after writing all these...


Kk... Lets moved on!!


//ZenEkz - Enough of whining.... move on! Heh!//

HOLIDAY CAMP

I'm going for another holiday.......

Nope... Not Taipei

Its a place u can feel...

The Sun
The Sand
The Shit

Maybe?

And maybe I have to do all these again... Heh!



Yeah... I'm going "holiday camp"!! Will be back on 29th

//ZenEkz lookin forward to the short break from work..//